My Love/Hate Relationship with Facebook

As the title says, I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.

I was first introduced to FB via my younger brother. It was probably 2004? I resisted the temptation to join at first but realized if I wanted to keep in touch with my sibling I’d better plunge in.

Soon I found myself finding old friends and relatives whom over time I had lost touch with. It was great! To reconnect with people I had almost forgotten about. But before I knew it, I had over 300 friends on my list and the messages and notes that appeared in the status bars started to overwhelm me.

Who cares if someone is playing Farmville? And really how many pictures of what you ate for dinner do we need to see? Not to pick on anyone in particular but this is how I began to feel.

I love email. I belong to a wonderful group of online ladies that have been corresponding through mailing lists since the days of E-groups and before. Some of them I’ve known for over 10 years now. Over time Facebook has been added to all our lives. It helped us connect even more. And it was great. But I still preferred the more personal and longer letters written via email.

Lately on FB you have to deal with hackers and spammers. Be wary of clicking on a strange looking video on your friend’s page, or you just may end up viewing something you wished you hadn’t and/or sent the same thing to everyone on your address list.  I check in maybe once a day and always have well over 300 new status updates I could scroll through. I get through maybe 20 a day. So I miss a lot. What exactly I miss I probably don’t want to know. 

Everywhere I turn I’m being told to “like this on FB”, join this fan page or that one. I’m told that if I want to be successful in any of my direct sales businesses, I need to have fan pages and business pages and this-n-that kind of pages. To be honest it overwhelms me. My hat is off to those who can do this. Sometimes I get myself into trouble by making flippant comments like “don’t they have a life?”.  Maybe it’s jealousy on my part. I wish I could figure it out and get into the groove. I wish I could just be assimilated and realize it’s the next wave of the future.  I wish it didn’t take time to have to learn it all.

Everyday I threaten to quit FB. Then, I get a request or see a picture of my best friend from 5th grade. Or my uncle says “hi” and my other friend from high school sends me pictures of her grandchild. And I see the benefits of FB. So I stick around.

And now there is Google+. I’m fighting hard not to be assimilated into that one. But my email box is not as full anymore. My friends are slowly drifting towards these other social networking sites, leaving me behind in the dust. If I want to stay in touch I just may have to succumb. No matter how much I want to stay in a simpler life.

I wonder if this is how our great- grandparents felt when the telephone came and letters were no longer the only way to communicate across the miles?

Leadership, What exactly does this mean?

Recently I have been thinking of what it means to be a leader. It seems that if you find yourself in a position of leadership you need to be someone who operates over and above what the average person would do. What do I mean by this?

Well, for example, I teach a weekly driving school class. As the "leader" or teacher of that class it is my responsibility to be prepared and ready to teach on the days that I have advertised. If for some reason I cannot teach (illness, etc.) then it is my responsibility to make sure that a substitute teacher is in place and is fully informed of their duties. And the duties must be performed regardless of how many students show up to class. If there is only one student, it is my obligation to give them the full service and attention that I would give a class of 10 or 20 students.

Now that can be hard at times and takes a bit of sacrifice. It is tempting to say "Oh, there are not enough students today for me to put much effort into teaching". That would be so wrong. It is not the fault of the one student who showed up and they should not be given lesser treatment because they were the only ones to come. It would make that student feel unimportant and "ripped off".

So a leader has to hold themselves to a higher standard.

The other day I found myself in the situation of the lone student. I attend a weekly women's bible study and this particular day the leader was sick and was unable to make it and the study was going to be canceled. Then at the last moment it was discovered that a substitute leader was available so the study was back on. Only I guess I was the only one who got that message. So I and the "sub" showed up at the meeting place. Now this "sub" did not know me at all, as I'm new to the group. And granted it was her last day in town and she was leaving for good the next day. So this was our one and only chance to connect and get to know one another. This was also a prime opportunity for her to minister to me. After all, I have a lot of baggage and issues I need to work out. Not many people know that, and most think I have my act together. How far wrong they are!

Anyway, what happened is the lady realized I was the only one that was going to show up, so after 20 minutes of trivial talk, she took her leave, claiming packing as her excuse. At first I was fine with this and graciously said my goodbyes. But then as I sat there by myself I started to feel very unimportant and unworthy. And I started to think about what I would have done if the situation was reversed. And you know what? I would have stayed. I would have taken that opportunity to pour into the life of the one soul who showed up. Because that is what a leader must do.

So I guess this post is a bit of a rant and a warning. If you are a leader in any capacity and you have an obligation to lead a group, make sure to give that group, no matter how many show up, 100% of what they deserve. That is the mark of a true leader.

Open Areas: Failure or Success?

Recently I was invited to join a facebook group that consists of graduates from Lord Byng highschool, class of ‘81. This was the first high school I attended in Vancouver, BC. I was only there for my 8th grade year, then my family moved up the coast to Powell River and I eventually graduated from Max Cameron Senior Secondary. When I accepted the invitation to join LB’s 30th reunion group I didn’t feel worthy. After all, I never really graduated from that school. But I was also curious. I had lost touch with all but a handful of people from those days. What were they up to? Do they remember me? It turns out they do! And many have been up to some very interesting things.

Lively discussions ensued where we shared old childhood memories and eventually someone brought up our Elementary school days at Queen Elizabeth Elementary School. Many of us were products of what is now considered a “failed” experiment. The Open Area Classroom model.

I had always known my elementary school days were unique. We did not attend a traditional classroom. For 1st thru 3rd grade I was part of the “pod” a group of four classrooms circled around an “open area”, with it’s own private art room, bathrooms and lunch room. We were kept separate from the rest of the school and only joined them for assemblies and special events. Children were grouped together by abilities so that often you would see kids working together in groups of mixed ages. In 4th grade I was moved to a “regular” classroom. I hated it. So when I was once again chosen to attend the open area class for 5th grade, I remember begging my mom to let me join. So for 5th, 6th and 7th grade I was once again in the “experimental” classroom.

Looking back on this now, I have come to realize that this educational model has shaped how I teach my children, and has been instrumental in my choice to homeschool and ultimately unschool my children.  And in discussing my experiences with former classmates there are many of us who were deeply impacted in a positive way. One former classmate says “When I look back at the Open Area, knowing what I now know about myself, I realize that I was able to thrive there because it was a less structured and more creative environment than sitting at a desk all day staring at the blackboard. Strange that it was considered a failed experiment from the seventies.”

So what did we do in an open area classroom? I remember a lot more group activities. We were always being divided up into groups. And it was easy to tell how the divisions were made. Badgers, Beavers and Bears. Badgers were the “smart” kids (I was in that group), Beavers were the “average” and Bears were the, well, ones that needed more help. I remember being placed in 5th grade in the same group as my brother who was in 7th grade. He was not happy. The implication was that we were on the same level of learning. But the truth was, it was all a peer mentoring experiment. The idea was the older kids in the groups were supposed to help out the younger kids. There was no distinction between age and grade levels. We were like one big happy family – reminiscent of the one room school house days, but with 4 teachers to control the group and with only 3 grade levels to deal with. Art and music were emphasized and writing was encouraged. I can honestly say that Mrs. B. was the teacher that got me interested in writing.

I researched why they think this classroom model was a failed experiment. The only research I could find centered on low income classrooms in large cities in Chicago and how the teachers had no control of the kids, and that the classroom environment was “loud and chaotic”. I don’t remember it being that way. But QE was not in a “low income” neighborhood but was decidedly middle class.  Maybe that was the difference. Or we just had a good team of teachers. And student teachers. We had a lot of them. 

Things changed when I headed off to high school. Classroom segregation, the mingling of several elementary schools into one very large high school, teen age drama as we entered our years of puberty. Bullying. Cliques. Mean girls. Indifferent boys. School was just never the same and I longed for the good old days of QE.

It’s been noted that there is a high number of teachers or people in the field of education that gradated from that class. I wonder if the freedom we had in learning in that environment, helped instill a love of teaching in us all? I know for me, the concept of allowing a child to pursue his/her talents came from those days. I was encouraged to write and to create in art and to explore my interests in science. We had a lot of hands on activities. I remember one teacher came across the skeleton of a deer and brought it back to the class and several of us were allowed to try to piece together the bones to recreate the deer. We had password competitions and talent shows. We sang and danced to Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Joseph”. We wrote our own version of the Canterbury Tales. We were encouraged to read and read and read. My favorite corner was a pile of beanbag chairs where one could snuggle with a book and read for what seemed like hours at a time.

Sadly “back to the basics” educational philosophy tore the Open Area classrooms down. Walls were put up and as far as I know QE no longer has this classroom style. Thankfully as an unschooler I don’t have to worry too much about it. But it saddens me to think that educators do not interview those of us who are products of this “experiment” to see how we have all turned out. I’d be very curious to interview all the “kids” from those days and find out just how many of us attribute who we are today to the benefits of this classroom model.

Unique kids

I have very special kids. Each of them have a unique personality with exceptional talent in different areas. When I really think about it, it amazes me.

Kevin, my first born, was just so highly intelligent that the first 3 years of his life made me think that all kids could be this way if just given the right environment to grow up in. You see, from the beginning I believed in treating children as if they had intelligence. We read to him in the womb, we read to him when he was a newborn. We played special music for him in-utero when we went to sleep at night (Brian Eno’s Evening Star, for those who want to know). Later we played this same music to help him sleep at night, or as a calming music for those times of colic.  He was not an easy baby, by far! As my first born I had all kinds of struggles. He never slept more than 20 minutes at a time during the day. Unless it was in the snuggly while I went for walks. But he learned things so quickly. He was holding his head up within the first week and I swear he smiled at 2 weeks of age. You’ve read about his early reading ability. Because I worked in preschools and daycares during his formative years, he was surrounded by learning materials….books, magnetic and felt board sets, educational games, computers (back then it was the Commodore 64!). He grew up so smart. I thought I had all the answers for creating early readers. However, I learned differently.Each child is unique.

I’ve talked about Adam’s amazing music talents. When I think about how he had the freedom and the resources to pursue this talent, it totally validates the unschooling method. At 22 he is getting ready to launch out into the world and see where this talent will take him. We are excited.

Stephanie at 16, is blossoming into a beautiful young woman. She works for our dive shop, is a member of GHSA’s Academic Challenge Bowl team, and currently in the GATE theater program’s Cinderella. In her free time (which she has lots of!) she writes and draws for hours on end. She is polite and friendly and modest. She has a few good online friends and a few real life friends. She has no boyfriend and no bullies. She is not pregnant, nor doing anything that may bring her to into that situation. She is not sheltered or isolated either! She interacts daily with all kinds of customers and people. And she is a great big sister (and little sister too – being the middle child!).

Eric. I’ve written lots about Eric. He’s the child that taught me what it was like to have a real boy! Kevin and Adam were pretty laid back kids when I compare them to Eric. He has always been my “go to” kid,. However, in the past year he has really settled down and matured. To the point that I can actually trust him to be on his own for  a few hours and not worry if he’ll cause trouble. He’ll be 11 in less than two weeks. He continues to be loveable and enthusiastic about life, with an incredible imagination.

Recently he had an opportunity to attend a costume event where he was allowed to dress up in whatever he wanted, as long as it was non-scary. He chose to be a hobo. Not only did he design his own costume, complete with “beanie” (I’d call it a toque in Canada), but he also developed the persona behind the costume. Cardboard the Hobo was created – a down-on-his-luck defense attorney who lost his money gambling. Courtesy of Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney video games. For Eric, this kind of imaginative play is so important that it becomes part of his real life. He doesn’t quite get kids who aren’t as into this as he is. Thankfully, little sister Cassie is more than willing to participate!

Eric also has these little tics and thrums. Anyone who has an autistic child, or one with Aspergers, would understand what I mean.  They come and go. A few months ago I was thinking he had outgrown them, but then this past month they came back. I started to try to monitor what makes them happen. He rolls his eyes, jerks his shoulders, stutters, etc. usually when trying to communicate with us. And it happens when he is interested or excited about something. Two things have excited him lately. Getting ready for the costume party, and a new computer program – The Games Factory 2. He is creating his own video game on it. It has a squirrel named Gordon as the main character. Presently he is using a free downloaded version of the game but I will be buying the full version for his birthday.

Because I’ve figured out how the tics come and go, I was wondering how aware he was. So the other day I asked him.

“How often does this happen”

His response: “About once a year.”

“How long does it last?”

“About a year.”

After laughing at his response I finally got him to explain himself and he was letting me know that he could go a year without it happening in between episodes. Still too funny.

Do I worry about these tics? No, not really. I know it is a part of who he is. It is just the way his brain is wired. Part of his uniqueness.

Each child is different.

Cassie, my baby, has finally figured out how to read. I have shared many posts about this struggle. Having had a kid read at 3, and then one that is not reading by age 7, did worry me a bit. Not as much as I’ve seen some parents stress over it. I knew eventually she would get it. She still stumbles on longer words or ones that have strange phonetics, but she is reading and comprehending, and questioning.  Sometimes too many questions. She is also drawing at a level far above her age. In a little over two weeks she will be 8 years old. I’ll probably have to quit calling her my baby!

At present I’m just so proud of my smart, unique, artistic kids. We are truly blessed.

Learning Styles

I recently came across an article about the different learning styles. It was complied from several reliable resources and gave a fair description of each learning style, including strengths and weaknesses of each approach.

My first read through of the various styles caused me to squirm. Who would use such a method on a child? This was when reading the “traditional” approach. In other words, re-creating the school in your home.

Strengths included Easy to implement, follows standardized scope and sequence, testing and grading easy, milestones accomplished.

Weaknesses were:

o Doesn't take into account individual learning styles, strengths, weaknesses or interest (Yikes, this is all that I base my teaching on!)

o Assumes that there is a body of info that completes an education and that this can be broken down into daily increments(yeah, who says we need to know this then or now?)

o Treats students minds like containers to be filled with information (Little Robots….)

o Focuses on transmitting info thru artificial learning experiences(And we keep hearing how we need to get back to nature…..)

o Teacher-directed and 'chalkboard' oriented (I smell teacher burn-out….)

o Different ages study different materials(hard to juggle with more than one child)

o Expensive with multiple children (Yup, cost was probably the biggest factor in stopping me from pursuing this method)

o Discourages original, independent thinking (And we all know, my kids are very original thinkers!)

o High burn out rate (Yup, saw this one coming)

Compare those to the Unschooling Approach:

Strengths:

o Takes little planning

o Captures the child's teachable moments

o Children have access to the real world, plenty of time and space to figure things out on their own.

o Children are less likely to become academically frustrated or burned out.

o Children can delve into a subject as deeply or shallowly as they want

o Provides a discipleship model of learning

o Creates self-learners with a love of learning.

 

Weaknesses:

o May neglect subjects

o Hard to assess level of learning

o Lacks the security of a clearly laid out program

o Is extremely child-centered

o Difficult to explain to others

o May be overly optimistic about what children will accomplish on their own

 

Let me just focus  this post on the weaknesses of the Unschooling method and how I refute them all.

May Neglect Subjects – based on whose idea that all subjects need to be taught? Honestly why do we need to do Advanced Algebra? If needed in a career, the unschooler will learn it. If not needed, why waste the time to learn?

Hard to assess level of learning – I hear this all the time. How do you give your kids grades? How do you know if they learned something? Answers – I don’t give grades and I ask them questions. Simple. You spend time with your kids, you listen to your kids and you will know what they do and do not know.

Lacks the security of a clearly laid out program – Only an issue if that is what you want. For me, it’s no big deal. There was a time in my homeschooling life when a clearly laid out program made me feel secure, but I have come a long way from those days and no longer need that security blanket.

Is extremely child-centered. – And this is wrong because? I have no problem with my child’s learning being child centered. After all, it had created “The Long Dark” which will be a musical masterpiece in its time.  (My son, Adam’s music). Education of a child is all about the child! He/She needs to be free to become whom God planned for them to be.

Difficult to explain to others – Okay, I’ll concede on this one because no matter what I say, there are those out there who will not understand. But every once in a while I’ll find someone willing to listen and take some of my ideas to heart.

May be overly optimistic about what a child will accomplish on their own – Here is where the biggest misconception about the unschooling method abounds. That we leave our children alone to do whatever they please. The truth is, a good unschooling home is educationally rich. Our house is strewn with learning opportunities all around. My book shelves spill over with books, the craft shelves abound with paper and craft supplies, the game cupboard is stuffed with teachable games.  If a child shows an interest in something we do whatever we can to inspire that interest and provide the learning material for them. Because we do this, our children have a vast array of interests. Some are more focused for a season than others.

But all is good and produces the desired affect. A child who loves to learn. And that is the bottom line and the ultimate strength of our learning style.

The Bitter Homeschooler’s Wish List

This has been going around recently on facebook and email lists since 2007 but is still worth commenting on.

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

I almost want to print it out and keep a small card sized copy in my purse to whip out anytime I run into a person who either has to canonize me for being  a saint for homeschooling ( as they exclaim, “ I could never do that!”) or who wants to toss me the “socialization” card.

The above article does come from a secular homeschool magazine but that shouldn’t give it any less merit for a Christian homeschooler to relate to its truths.  I for one, fall under #9 on the list. We are Christians who homeschool We do not homeschool because we are Christians.

And #20 is my favorite:

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

The more I think about it, a laminated pocket card would be very useful.

Musings of late….

I recently joined a Christian Unschoolers blog ring (see the green box?) and have been enjoying reading some pretty incredible blogs. Blogs written by people just like me. With the same philosophy on education and religion, for the most part.  I read their stories and the things they children have been doing and feel like I’m looking into my own life. With variations of course. My kids are not skating across a pond, for instance. But the ideas, the thoughts, the philosophy….all of it matches with how we have been raising our children. And I realize I am part of something so much bigger than me.

I admit I was feeling lately, a little out of place. The homeschoolers I know all use some form of curriculum. They talk about schedules and bedtimes and chore charts. Lesson plans and grading. And how do you teach your child to write? or learn their multiplication tables?

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying these are not good things. If this is who you are and how you homeschool then that is what is right for your family. That is my belief. We are all different and so what I do with my kids isn’t necessarily what is good for your kids. And vice versa.

But I’m really not alone after all, as I have discovered. It is just hard to find a person like yourself living as your next door neighbor.

While I have pondered these thoughts and felt out of sorts, I have come to realize that I need not apologize for who I am or how I raise my children. I shouldn’t have to make excuses or try to explain. If someone really wants to know and understand and is willing to listen, I will tell them. 

I realize I have a lot to offer others. I have successfully graduated two of my 5 children. I have children of all ages – adult, teenagers, pre-teen, child. I have experienced all stages of children’s development, (five times up to age 7 so far anyway). There is a lot of wisdom to be shared.

My dear husband must have been thinking similar thoughts today as he said to me that we should write a book together. We have over 24 years of homeschool experience. We have tried everything! It would be interesting to see what we could come up with together to share.

In the meantime I’m happy to be part of a new blog ring that hopefully will help me develop more of a readership as well as make new friends.